Paris This, Bitch!

Original posting 4th December 2006

Stuck in Ipoh till tomorrow. Not that I'm complaining. It's been very very chilled out for me while I'm here. Just laying back and relaxing when I should be panicking actually. I just got told my wiring work alone in the new house is gonna cost one thousand six hundred smackers. Fuck. Do I ever need to get back to yell, abuse, plead and cajole the bastards working on the house.

I was channel surfing the other day, yesterday I think. I came across this program on MTV called My Super Sweet 16 which should be retitled, "Spoilt Rich Detrimental-to-Society Little Cunts' Birthday Parties". If MTV ever wanted to push things further, this is it. Never mind The Pussycat Dolls, Fergie, Nelly Furtado and Tata Young.

Nelly Furtado deserves a mention and a welcome to this club. She finally realised that (i) she's quite fuckable and (ii) she'll sell more CDs if she exploited it. Promiscuous Girl? That one basically means:- Guy: Hey! You could be a slut. Are you? Girl: Why yes!. Are you a man whore? Guy: I am indeed. Wanna fuck? Girl: Sure!

The rest of them? I've whinged and bitched about such music before. The formulas are quite similar but predictable, (i) wouldn't you like to fuck with me? (ii) wouldn't you like to fuck me instead of your girlfriend? (iii) work hard for this pussy (iv) you'd like to fuck me wouldn't you? Ya can't! Haha! (v) I wanna fuck you (vi) I want you to fuck me. Can't run far from these themes.

It's all starting to work. Even on me. Sometimes I don't even need to know the words. I saw Tata Young's video for El Nin-Yo! I still don't know the words but do I ever want to fuck Tata Young. Damn. She's got me by the balls man! The clever little ho'.


Tata Young. One clever lil ho'.

I've decided that I've changed my mind. I don't hate these songs, I love these songs. I'm going to steal all this shit off P2P networks and burn CDs I'm going to call, (i) Mind Control, (ii) Pussy Control and (iii) Music To Fuck To. If I ever lose my vision and can't watch porn anymore, I'm going to put these songs on the player and have a wank instead.

Oh yeh, back to it, that Sweet 16 shit. Damn, is it ever offensive. Personally I wouldn't care very much but does it means that this is the trend that the current new generation coming up is going to adhere to? Such blatant arrogance, frivolity, expenditure and Paris Hilton. Very soon everyone's going to have a neighbour called Jones. Also 'Paris' is one day going to be a verb, a noun and an adjective, depending on how you use it. e.g. "What the Paris?!?!" and "Paris this, bitch!". Additionally, one day someone's going to say, 'Gee, they named a city in France after her.' That or 'There's a city named Paris??'. Paris fucking Hilton. Damn. What is the world coming to? Best thing that ever happened to her was having the video of her cock smoking and shagging made available to the world. She should have government warning stickers plastered all over her. Knowing her, it'll become her statement. She'll appear at a swanky gig just wearing the warning stickers over her naughty bits. She's the archetype of what's going wrong. She and MTV's little rich cunt's birthday show are what wrong with the excesses of the world these days. They make rappers on MTV Cribs, respectable.

What's a danger to young starlets in Hollywood? Sex, drugs, alcohol and Paris Hilton. But I love Paris Hilton. Without her, we'd never know what Lindsay Lohan's and Britney Spears' punanis look like.

You go girl.

Winter Wonderland (Anything Goes!)

It's been really at least a decade minimum since either Hui Sen or myself posted anything here and I thought it would be a waste to just leave this site idle. I'm sure it's has received it's fair share of visitors in the past and I'm sure most of them would have thought that this blog had been abandoned. Oh, ye of such little faith ... LOL!

It's not really abandoned people, it's just that I guess both Hui Sen and myself just got fed up of being the only one's who actually post anything here at all. Anyway, since I'm a little free at the moment, I thought I'd put up one my Christmas, Winter Wonderland post of last year. I'll leave you guys to read on further and hopefully, you'll see a little more of my past and favorite posts here from time to time ...

Monday, December 24, 2007

Winter Wonderland ...

First of all, here's wishing everyone a Blessed and Merry Christmas :)

And as promised, the pictures of my Christmas decorations with our theme of Winter Wonderland. Nothing much to shout about but it was all hard work, especially creating the snow landscape and putting up all those tiny little trees and all that twigs and stuff. The twigs we found at the park near our place and the little trees were from last years old Christmas tree.

The idea came about when we couldn't find a nice tree skirt and I thought why not make a snowscape at the bottom of the tree instead and this is the end result. Like I said, nothing really to shout about but wifey and me are both proud of all the hard work we put into it :D

Oh, I also managed to salvage that failed genetic mutation of a snow man and managed to get it up. Though not what I expected but at least it's better than nothing. Wifey and me have already started getting new ideas for next years theme ... LOL!

Our little Winter Wonderland (do you see the snow flakes)

The presents under the tree, quite a bit and I'm surprised that it came up to that many!

A close up of the tree with its minimalistic decorations based on a silver/winter theme ...

My winter wonderland snowscape scene under the tree ...

Close up of a section of the snowscape ... the fence came from twigs we picked from the park ...

Another close up view with a little train set in the foreground ...

House and church cut from Styrofoam ...

My salvaged snowman next to my 'fireplace' (what a place for poor old Frosty ... LOL)

Close up of good old Frosty (best I could do ...)

My home made snow icicles ...

My snowman haven ... wifey's idea this one ...

Snowman haven in progress ... the house was only RM12.00!

Side view ...

Front view with lighted house ...

and finally, my mom's crib with a little more modification from me ... :)

Afterlife in your automobile! (Brain Spillage)

The afterlife? Real? No idea. All I know is that the non-believer in the movies doesn't get it first but gets it worst.

Also, one can be most philosophical after a shipload of beer!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Beer, Ghosts and Rearview Mirrors

There is pretty much no doubt that I lead a very different life from most of my peers. I don't know whether it's conclusive evidence to tie one's lifestyle to choice of friends. There aren't many people who will be out on a Monday night having a booze up and if so, they might not have friends who are similarly so available.

Anyway, my friends and I ended up in Beach Club for a CNN night. CNN = Cheap N Nasty. We just boozed up and hit on a few women. For the hell of it really. None of us were really out on the hunt. I've never been appreciative of Sarong Party Girls. It did do me a world of good to overhear a girl telling *ahem* someone, "You pay cash, okay?!?". Well, anyone who's been to the Beach Club should know what the damn place is like.

The night ended with the three of us having some nosh in Bangsar. I have no idea how but the topic lead to ghosts and hauntings. Of the three of us, I'm the only one with no 'experience' and also the only one with no religion. Coincidence? I dunno. Really creepy though, the stories my friends have. Though they came to no harm for the experience. I'm quite sure they're not making things up but also I'm not quite sure what to believe either. I don't know about vibes and all that but I do know that when I was house hunting, I never ever went back to any house I didn't feel comfortable in. Needless to say, I settled on one I didn't just like but felt good in as well.

Well anyway, as a kid, Bob has had a ghost bang on the outhouse door while he was taking a dump. Lucky him. He also had the ghost of an Engineer at his former workplace sit in the back seat of his car. Seen through the rearview mirror. He drove on without ever looking at the mirror again.

Jayse has had a ghost follow him home before. His maid saw someone follow him into the house when no one did. The maid quit the next day after learning he came home alone. He also has an uncle who has been sleeping with the lights on for the last three decades after encountering 'something' in rural Sabah.

At night's end, I drove home feeling kinda creepy but defiantly looking into my rearview and side mirrors when I needed to. If I did see something that wasn't meant to be there, I have no idea what I'd have done. Probably drive straight home, get out of the car, never look back and get into the house. Where I can change my pants. I'd probably sell the car too.

All Hail The King! (Anything Goes!)

This blog and the very idea for this blog was created by my buddy Hui Sen quite sometime back. He invited his fellow bloggers and friends to join him here and post some of their best of ... postings. All of us have lots of postings lying around gathering dust in their archives and Hui Sen's idea was to share them with everyone.

I thought it was a pretty cool idea, unfortunately it really hasn't taken off yet cos to date, it's only been Hui Sen and myself who've come contributed! Where's the rest of you guys? I mean, how hard would it be to just grab something from your archives which you think is pretty good and plonk it here? It's probably much easier than doing meme's and tags, right?

Anyway, that's not gonna stop me from posting here and hopefully we'll see more contributors besides Hui sen & myself soon :)

I wrote a post somewhere in July about clients from hell, who demand the world from you but give you no recognition for a job well done. This post was written a few days later about the exact opposite of clients from hell.

Friday, August 3, 2007

All Hail The King!

Just the other day I posted something on nasty clients who don't pay what they owe and today I'm gonna post something the exact opposite of that.

I did some work for this client I had. It involved doing two simple buntings for a church project (the client was a relative of my boss). So, I got the visuals and stuff approved yesterday, sent the artwork for printing and today I went to collect the buntings from my supplier as he was too busy to send it to me.

Once I collected the buntings, I called this client to say I would be at her office in 30 minutes or so but she said she was outside having breakfast and if I could meet her at the restaurant. Since this particular restaurant was actually near my house (one which I normally frequent) and also my office, I said no problem.

Ok, now this is where the good part is :) I reached the restaurant saw her there and went up to her to hand the buntings over. She unrolled the buntings to have a look at it and was so delighted with it that she actually bowed down (and I really mean bowed) to me 4-5 times! I was flabbergasted, the whole restaurant (and at this hour it was packed) was looking at me like as if I was some kind of royalty. LOL! I was sooooooo embarassed, and if I wasn't a little on the tanned side, you could probably see me turn beet red!

I've never had anyone bow to me before, let alone a client and I was (and still am) in a state of shock. It was just a simple bunting and was really nothing to shout about (trust me) just your average normal church kinda buntings, not something that would win any advertising awards or elicit the kind of response I got. Just imagine if I did an annual report or a corporate profile for her. She probably would have given me her first born daughter or something ... LOL!

How I wish all my clients were like her. It sure would make this job all the more enjoyable and meaningful. At least now I know how a King feels to have his subjects bow to him. What a way to end the week :)

Smokum (Brain Spillage)

This one's very short, I know. The significance of this posting is (1) what a gutter mouth I can be, (2) the odd hours I used to keep; and (3) Janice is now my housemate/tenant.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Creativity at 3am

I was chatting to Janice, my Ungodly Hour Chat Buddy. I told her my latest favourite insult is "cock smoker". She replied that a good one would be "monkey spanker". I nearly split my sides. I live alone so it's no problem. She laughed so hard I think she woke her boyfriend. Being creative at 3am does have it's drawbacks.

Me, My Hair And My Barber (Anything Goes!)

This post was inspired by the fact of how vain I was during my college days.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Me, My Hair And My Barber ...

The rain is pouring outside my window as I type this post and I'm ever so glad to see the rain even though it's gonna ruin my run for today. The weather for the past 2 weeks have been so hot I'm sure hell had much cooler temperatures :)

The weekend has been good for me though I really didn't do much except go for my daily run and take the boys and myself out for a haircut at out regular Indian Muslim barber shop. Yeah, people, I don't go to no fancy schmancy hairdressing salon to get my totally unmanageable mop of hair cut. Only these Indian Muslim barbers can handle my hair.

Ever since I was this wee young lad in primary school I have been very particular about my hair. My hair has this hopelessly natural curl when its long (i dream of having straight hair) and I was very conscious about how it looked and how it fell in place. At that time (when I was between 6-12 years old) my mom always took me to this Indian Muslim barber and got me this horribly short hair cut every month. I use to dread going for a hair cut and every snip of hair that was cut from my head, I felt like killing the barber! You should see the killer stare I gave the barber back then ... LOL!

Then when I was in my teenage years, when I could go on my own for haircuts, I went to this professional hair salon to get my haircut done by student hairstylists (I wasn't working yet and there was only so much I could spend on with the allowance I got ... hehehe) These haircuts were more like a game of chance cos with student hairstylist, you never knew how your hair would turn out. I always go in there asking them to cut my hair like Nick Rhodes of Duran Duran but on more than one occasion I've come out of there looking like Don King!

When I went to college (the very same college I met my best buddies) I use to take at least an hour just to get my hair done at home before leavening for classes (Yes, yes, I was a vain pot back then!) I would actually stand in front of the mirror plastering my head full of gel and whatnots and then blow drying it place and I would not leave the house until it was perfect (or so I'd like to think). I'd even close all the windows on the bus so that the wind wouldn't mess my hair! There were times in class when my hair got messed up that I'd take a taxi all the way home just to blow dry it back in place! (yes, yes, yes, I admit, I was a hopeless conceited fool!) Ask my good buddy Adrian, he could tell you hours of stories about me and my precious hair.

Nowadays, I'm more sane and have reverted back to those trusty (though i didn't know it back then) Indian Muslim barbers. These are the only people who really know how to tame my unruly mop (and besides I'm no longer as vain as before ... hehehe) I keep my hair real short now which makes it more manageable and gives it a slightly straighter feel. (My beloved is sitting next to me and laughing at this posting as I write it). At nights before I sleep, after my bath, I purposely flatten my still wet hair like Mr. Bean just to irritate her cos she hates it when I look too goody goody and doofussy ... LOL! It riles her up especially when I imitate Mr. Bean but I just can't help teasing her!

I'm so glad I don't really bother about my hair that much nowadays, as long as it's short it's okay with me. And I'm ever so grateful to those Indian Muslim barbers :) Though I still harbour this fantasy of looking like Nick Rhodes ... LOL!

Bullied (Brain Spillage)

This post was written after I read awesomezara's posting about her own experiences about being bullied as a child. I identified with it enough to write this.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Growing Up Bullied

Kids are fucking little monsters. What I mean is, of course they're not engaging in coital activity with small supernatural entities, rather, kids are fucking little monsters. Note how I cleverly cleared things up with the clever use of italics. I should explain myself right? Of course I should. Just so I don't get buried by hate mail.

The urge to dominate is a primitive instinct to establish social order. Sometimes it means who gets sex and who doesn't. I'm sorry. I mean it establishes mating and procreational rights. It's not exclusive to primates though one of the best examples you might see of this behaviour is at night clubs. These days all you have to do to be Alpha Male is to be white. Or at least half white.

But anyway. Back to it.

Kids themselves tend to have their own social order. A lot of what you come across is the need to empower themselves. That's why they run around in groups cos there's strength in numbers. In the group itself you can bet your ass they have their own social order. It's never the smartest kid. It'll be the biggest kid. Individually, kids will bully other kids to get that sweet high of the all important power rush. That's why kids like to play with toy guns. Cos on TV when you've got the gun and no one else does, they yo bitches - while you still got the gun. Don't lose the gun okay?

Kids target kids who are different. Of course the smaller weaker kids are natural targets. They resort to another one of nature's wonderful things. It's called symbiosis. It's a fancy word but it happens everywhere. Even in prison. When a big dood is happy harry cos he's got himself a cell bitch and his cell bitch is assured of being protected from the other inmates, that's symbiosis.

Carrying on, all you have to be to be bullied is different. The only different kids that don't get bullied are those that are already shaving in pre-school and have nicknames like 'Mongo'. Then again, they probably get it from other Mongos from higher grades. Eventually they group together to extort lunch money. Mongos Inc is now a gang. To be different, all you got to be is one of the following: smart, stupid, ugly, beautiful, retarded, disabled, weak, rich, poor, the wrong color, six fingers, one eye.... you get the drift.

All it is is a natural process of growing up. Kids need boundaries, guidance and example. If a kid is a rotten kid, blame the parents. There's something wrong there. Beating seven kinds of crap out of a kid at home for misbehaving doesn't work either. Now that that social order's established it fuels the urge for this kid to do some establishing of his own so he establishes royally on his younger sister who in turn does her bit in the classroom. Especially if there's no cat at home to kick.

My parents decided that my sister and I would grow up like any other kid. This means we pretended that living in a house where my bedroom was bigger than the living room in some of my friends' houses was normal. I was given less allowance than my small-house-living friends. To learn the value of money apparently. In all, it must have worked. I'm a stingy bastard when it comes to money. As the younger of two I tended to try to dominate my peers except that I was one of the smallest kids around and I was frightened of everything. I got beat up by my sister at home and the cats at home had died by then but I assure you that was nothing to do with me. Just the recipe for a complete bastard by 21 but no one accounted for my mum. My mother may not have done a perfect job but I think she did a damn good one. We were brought up with a proper balance of love and discipline and with enough protection from outside influences that we were protected but no so much that we became dependant on that. I love my father. I carry many of his personality traits myself and learnt a lot from him. All I'm saying is is that it was my mother that did all the delicate balancing.

As for being the rich kid. I paid my dues. I was put on a school bus like any normal kid. Every other kid on the bus lived in a low cost housing area. They'd be on the bus and I'd get picked up. These little bastards were like ninjas. I'll tell you why. It first started with the verbal assault. They'd talk loudly amongst each other about me and I'll bet you it wasn't about how nice my parents' house is. Luckily for me my cantonese is shit. My cantonese is still shit 25 years on so you can imagine I didn't know diddly squat back then. I was one of those sensitive cry babies. It would have really hurt my feelings if I understood them. I always had my head down and I didn't ever say a thing. That didn't change when the physical assault started. I got punched, kicked and slapped around like a little bitch but I never reacted. Could be what saved me, could be what condemned me to more of the same. Anyway, the fucking little monsters would fuck me up quietly enough just so the bus driver wouldn't notice. Right little ninjas those bloody kids.

When I was 12, I grew seven inches in that one year I was in Standard 6. I went from something like 4 feet 5 inches to 5 feet 2 inches. In a single year. This is the single most important thing that happened to me as far as bullying was concerned. One, it chilled me out totally. I didn't need to bully anyone anymore. I didn't have to be able to fend for myself either. I was one of the biggest kids in class. I could fend like anything if I needed to. And I didn't. I didn't need to. But. When I was 12, I beat up, no, I royally beat up one of my classmates. I beat this kid so bad it was the last physical fight I ever had in school. No one messed with me after that. Talk about stupid, the kid I smashed was the aggressor and I don't mean he just called me names.

I stopped growing when I was 14 and reached the height of 5' 7". That bummed me out but from the perspective of this blog posting, I was already a giant. Kids remember. To this day, some of my friends from school still think I'm taller than they are when they overtook me about 15 years ago.

Which comes to the main theme of all this. There're mean people out there. People who are mean just for the sake of being mean. Even nice people can be mean. I'm nice. But I can be mean. Usually to someone who can't retaliate. In the end, all of us, every single one of us. Look at how people behave towards one another, in life, in love, in business, everything. Look back at everything I've written so far and tell me adults don't do the same shit. In the end, we're all just a bunch of fucking kids.

Simply Hilarious (Anything Goes!)

This was from one of my very early postings which Hui Sen said was what made him really start reading my blog so I thought I'd share it with you guys too instead of leaving it somewhere collecting cyber dust in my archives ... LOL! This was originally emailed to me by my good buddy Adrian of First Time Dad.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Simply Hilarious :)

My good buddy sent me an email this morning and I found it simply rib tickling, gave me a good laugh on an otherwise drab Thursday morning. Here's what was in the email :

Make sure u teach ur kids how to draw a scissor!!
FW: An e-mail from a mother.

"This is my kindergartener's artistic rendering of a pair of scissors she just showed me. I wonder what her teacher thought about it?

But I am so darn proud of myself. I allowed myself just a small smirk when I saw it. I waited until she was out of my room before I started to cry from laughing so hard.

can't wait to show it to my husband!"

Hair Metal (Brain Spillage)

I love music but somehow I always end up in the 80s. Can't get past it. The only drawback to the 80s was the fashion but hey, it was fun.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

80's Music

All you need is a reminder. I haven't up till now realised how much I love music from the 80s. Hell, I even love porn from the 80's. Real women didn't shave their pubes back then. I liked 80's porn for the hairstyles, especially the hairstlyes, and to a lesser extent, shoulder pads. Butt naked, big haired, slim women with so much hairspray, the guys wore dentist masks not condoms. The only people on the planet with bigger hair than 80's pornstars were the hair metal bands.

I love hair metal bands. I love bands like Motley Crue and Poison and the slightly more serious (just cos they didn't wear makeup) metal bands like Def Leppard, Bon Jovi and Van Halen. I liked the excesses of the 80's rather than the excesses of today because the difference between the two are worlds apart. Back then 80's band excesses were of a more unrealistic nature. You didn't take it seriously and that was the fun of it. Just look at the videos these guys made. No one would wear the stuff these guys wore, the clothes, the makeup and the poses, the outrageous behaviour. There are music videos made by 80s metal bands that can almost kill me from laughter. MTV was still in its early years. No one really had a big video budget in those days. The result - one motorcycle, a poorly made sparse stage in the middle of the desert, four guys in drag and makeup trying to look tough, a little bit of fireworks and two foxes. Video women in the 80s were foxes, nowadays they're ho's. The usual formula is the lead singer on his big bad bike riding up to the stage in the desert, does his bit amidst the sneers and metal guitar poses which really overshadow the fireworks and foxes, gets on his bike and rides off with one fox on the back to a hotel room in Tucson, leaving his band to share the remaining fox amongst the saguaros.

These days, the excesses is about how rich these people are. Their suits and cigars, mansions and cars, bitches and hos, the parties and shows. Jeezuz. I just wrote P. Diddy's next hit. Or one of those rappers you've never heard of but would see on MTV Cribs living large.

The music? There were many advances in music in those days. Of course, like I mentioned, MTV was still young. The 80s was the steep learning curve for making music videos. Back to the music, a lot of these guys were good musicians in actuality but it was the Reagan era. As long as you were flashy, no one cared. It was a good time for music though underneath the layers. Metallica had just formed and were taking the Bay area by storm. Eddie Van Halen had burst onto the scene taking guitar another step ahead. Def Leppard brought the twin guitar attack to mainstream. Bon Jovi had formed and were paving the way for New Jersey bands. Motley Crue called every man and his dog 'dude' and Poison were brilliant even under all the hair and makeup. Duran Duran deserves a mention. Brilliant musicians, songwriters and producers. They got more attention for their music videos (the original kings of video) and their good looks. John Taylor, who was prettier than any of his girlfriends, is an excellent bass player. I'm not talking about technical proficiency. I'm talking about playing exactly what's right for the song.

Poison is another good example of what melodically selective playing can do for a song. The foundation of Poison's music however, was at the hands (and fingers) of just one man, C.C. de Ville, guitar extrordinaire. CC wasn't a guitar visionary. He didn't create anything new and he didn't pioneer anything nor did he change the way guitar was played. He was however, extremely, extremely good at bringing a song to life. Listen to about any Poison song to see (hear?) what I mean. Try comparing it to when Ritchie Kotzen took over guitar duties from CC on the album Native Tongue. CC played absolutely the right thing at the right time in any Poison song and a lot of the time carried the song on his guitar.

I was listening to my Motley Crue and Poison albums last night and marvelled at how alive the songs are. Then I was at Breakers, where they played nothing but 80s pop. I have to say, I absolutely loved it.

We might have had a brief 80's revival but the 80's was so good it'll swing by another time. Wait for it.

The 80's in my opinon without research:

Front man: David Lee Roth. Couldn't really sing but there's only one Diamond Dave.

Bassist: John Taylor. He played almost as good as he looks.

Guitarist: C.C. de Ville. See above.

Drummer: Tommy Lee. The only drummer who managed to have a personality.

Boy band: Duran Duran. They stepped up what a music video was.

Girl group: The Bangles. Look past how ubercute Susanna Hoffs was and you'll find a really good band.

Honorable mention: a-ha. Good songwriting, good composition, good production, good band.

The Burger King! (Anything Goes!)

It has been a hectic 2 days for me. Had this client who wanted to host an event and they gave me a whole ONE day to get things done! Like as if I'm some miracle worker or something. But then It's also partly my fault cos I did say no problem and that it could be done. Besides, I like this client (gosh, I must be losing it, I actually like my clients. LOL!). Though they always want things done at the last minute, they're pretty nice people to work with and are extremely good paymasters too ... hehehe ...

Anyway, that little story aside, it wasn't really what I wanted to post about. I was reading Hui Sen's blog a few days back and he mentioned something about chilling out with a Ramly burger, drinking a fizzy drink and sitting by the road side and it got me wondering at the amount of times I've done done with it my buddies.

I'm sure most of us would have noticed these little burger stalls located outside almost every 7-11 in town or pretty much by the roadside in most residential areas here. For those not from Malaysia, Ramly burger is a local manufacturer of burgers and sausages. They don't produce the best of burgers but it's almost always the choice brand for these little burger stalls.

I seriously don't know what it is about these burgers but everyone, no matter what race or religion you are, has at one time or other tried these burgers, me included. There's really nothing fancy about these burgers at all. It contains a burger (but of course!), loads of cut up lettuce, tomatoes, carrots and cucumbers, spread with an extremely generous (and I mean extremely generous) amount of mayonnaise, tomato and chili sauce. It is so generous that it makes the buns soggy and difficult to eat. Can you imagine biting into them and the sauce dripping all over your hands and onto your clothes? (Damn, I feel like having one right now!)

But the thing is, these burgers are popular as some unofficial after dinner 'snack' (it's called supper, Nick!) and is best enjoyed with a nice bottle or can of fizzy drink (coke's my personal favourite) and sitting by the roadside (the nearer it is to the stall, the better) with a good buddy or loved one (ok, ok, I'm a cheapskate, honey) and enjoying the burger. It's totally unhealthy, the amount of oil from those burgers are sinful enough but its like some kind of iconic thing over here with everyone.

Every neighbourhood will definitely have at least one, two maybe even three or four of these stalls scattered around. And the weirdest part is, you will deifinitely find one just outside a 7-11 store. I guess that's why fizzy drinks are popular with these burgers. It's also pretty cheap too, a normal chicken burger with the works would cost a measly RM2.00 - RM2.50 (depending on the seller) And a 'Special' Burger (usually wrapped with eggs, twin patties, etc) would probably cost in the range of RM3.00 or so. Now that's pretty cheap compared with all those fast food joints!

I happen to have my favourite stall just a 5 minute walk across the road from my place (yup, you guessed it, outside a 7-11 store) and he makes a mean burger :) I always custom order mine, less mayo, no chili sauce, no lettuce and tomatoes but loads of onions ... yummy! But I've cut down on it ever since I started running again. Ahhhh, the things I sacrifice to stay healthy ...